A Journey of Self-Discovery: Sohum

Four months ago on December 13th, 2023, I lost my job. Coming back from six months of maternity leave as Etsy's Director of Product Management, Fulfillment Organization, I was blindsided. Within an hour, I found myself locked out of my account, an email announcing my dismissal effective within an hour.

My initial reaction? Extreme joy and release. I immediately called my sister, exclaiming that my deepest hope had been answered—I was free from this corporate job that did not make me happy. However, reality soon set in. Our double income lifestyle was no longer sustainable. Fortunately, Mario had recently landed an amazing role at Doordash, providing enough income to sustain us while I dipped into my severance from Etsy.

During my first therapy session with Beti post-job loss, I expressed my intention to take a break from the nine-to-five grind. She was elated. “You have worked 12 years straight, and as a mother of two young children, you are burnt out.” Initially, I told her a year off, but in reality, I meant just a "few months." My sister even thought that within four months I would have a new job. At first, I meticulously planned my days on Google Calendar, extending childcare for my youngest part-time while exploring my newfound freedom by only dipping my toes into the ocean. And by this I mean, still feeling somewhat anxious, and trying to find calm even within a mental storm.

But as the days, and then months peeled away, and winter turned into spring, I began to dream bigger. With the help of my sister's Instagram post, we decided to embark on an adventure to Peru aiming to hike the Salkantay pass (50 miles, 4 days). My second home. An opportunity to spend five days disconnected in the Andes Mountains ending with a visit to Machu Picchu. A place I have been now three times, and holds keys to the most spiritual place to my body and soul.

The lead-up to the trip was filled with ups and downs, especially due to my pretty inflamed knee problem which started from my first pregnancy over five years ago. Despite the pain, I kept going, even finding peace in a yoga class as I do every time I travel to feel at home in my body and mind. The first day of the trek felt like survival mode due to significant discomfort in my knee. Yet, after resting and soothing my body in a cold river, I began to feel truly alive.

The following day, I woke up feeling ready to hike the mountain. Despite a minor setback of losing one of Mario's trekking pole bottoms, I embraced the challenge and went directly into my happy place. As I reached the summit, I felt deeply connected to nature and the songs of birds chirping was my affirmation that I was on my path. I let go of anxiety, fear, and my plans. Back home, I carry that energy with me, finding peace in doing, as my shaman Veronica said, "do the things that make you you."

Here is some of the key themes with Shaman:

Theme: Letting Go and Self-Discovery

Shaman: Letting go means releasing. I have to let go of everything I don't like about myself.

Shaman: Go back to doing what you used to do, go back to pursuing what you liked, what made you feel comfortable to be happy.

Theme: Reflecting on Personal Journey

Me: I feel like I left my job, made a lot of money, but I wasn't happy.

Me: I'm finishing that time of being with my baby as he goes to childcare full time. My oldest is already going to kindergarten. And now I have time to do what I want before looking for another job.

Theme: Seeking Clarity and Direction

Me: I want to know if it's going to go well for me 

Shaman: Let's see. If it's going to go well for you. Follow what your heart says.

Theme: Embracing Past Experiences

Shaman: When you were younger, for example, you liked working, you liked independence, you liked having your own money, you liked winning.

Shaman: First, learn to let go of that pain you have.

Theme: Supporting Others in their Growth

Me: My husband suffers a lot from his traumas. And I don't know how to help him and improve the connection for him to be vulnerable with you.

Shaman: You're going to help your husband, when you learn.   The first step is self-acceptance.

Since stepping away from work on December 13th, I've felt like I've lived many lives. Reflecting on what drives me—my inner journey, healing, and building connections—I'm grateful for the constant growth and evolution. Motherhood has been my greatest teacher, guiding me towards patience, kindness, and a full heart.

As my journey continues, I'm reminded of the importance of living from a place of wholeness and fullness, free from fear or external pressures.  

I am a teacher.  I am a leader.  I am a mother.  I am a sister.  I am a friend.   I am Alicia.  I am.

My son Mario has taught me invaluable lessons in slowing down, understanding, and embracing life's beauty. With him, Tavio and my husband Mario by my side, I'm grateful for every day left that I have to be alive. 

And I am beyond blessed to be surrounded by so much love from my family, friends, and greater community in this state, country, and world.